I went with my sister for coffee and a new coffee house. She was hung over so she didn’t quite enjoy it as much as I did. Then off to my hair appointment. I love my new hair. Love it, love it. I think it’s edgy and young. I think the stylist made me look my age but a cool 38! lol Heck, he may have even shed a few years from me (blowing knuckles and wiping them off from my shirt). Anything though would have made my hair looked better than what was happening with it. Then it was off to get my toes done. I felt beautiful and looked good but I had no Saturday plans.

I hate when you have new hair and no where to go!!! What a waste!!! lol

But after some quick texting to a friend, plans came my way. I had a good time going to this little Tejano bar that I didn’t know existed. My hair and I were bouncing everywhere. lol

I’m about to get on the scale and see what the week has brought me but wait….I just remembered…weigh in is tomorrow! Whew, dodged that bullet.

Have a good one buddies. I have to try and keep my goals together. I’m eyeballing some Lucky Brand jeans. Cross your fingers that I win something tonight at Chicken Shit Bingo! Or at least that someone buys me a beer. A Light one.

UPDATE: Oooh, I forgot that I wrote that up until a point my Saturday was good. My friend, her boyfriend and I all went to the little club and I was having a blast. Then the boyfriend decided he wanted to leave early and I couldn’t stay at the club by myself so I had to go to. Wa wa waaaaaaaaaa. lol I’m putting him on my sh-t list. : )

Just because alot of us have lost weight in healthy ways doesn’t make us experts to start telling others how to do it. We probably have all made mistakes in the past and we had to learn things ourselves. Shit, some of the blogs on here are about how people (like our relatives) want to give us “helpful hints” about dieting and we don’t like the different ways they tell us so why should we be pushy to others when we don’t think they are doing something right. Our relatives or friends are right but we don’t like their delivery of their message or we aren’t in the right place in our lives to listen. And let’s not forget, we should always have a certain amount of grace when we are advising others.

Hell, let’s be honest here. I know that diet pills can be harmful to our health and I recommend them to no one. But I know that there are people on this site who have taken harder things than diet pills (yes, I mean drugs) and probably no one could tell them they were doing wrong. So why can’t we show a little compassion or grace to someone who might be taking diet pills. People learn on their own time and with their own experiences.

Or maybe someone may have a bad relationship and others see it and try to tell that person but that person says “Mind your own business”. They don’t see that their relationship is bad but everyone in the freaking world can see it. That person too will learn in their own time. (yes, I might just be talking about you)

I’m just saying, some people will learn on their own and in their own time.

And as far as this “clean eating” is concerned, I don’t think it’s for everyone. Eat clean all you want but then I’ve seen some people eat “clean” and not get enough protein or iron and blah blah blah. And if I could put my two cents in (which I will because it’s my blog) then I think “clean eating” is a bit of a fad diet. I’ve had friends brag that they were vegetarians but still have weight problems because they ate pasta all the dang time. Do whatever you want but let’s not all become experts ok?

Would I ever recommend diet pills to anyone? No. But I don’t want to sit and judge someones struggle because I know how hard it is. I can tell someone all day long that diet pills are bad but they might or might not listen. But if they see me doing it healthy or read my blogs about doing it in a healthy way then that might get them to want to do it more than just taking the pills.

I have done things right myself. Exercised, ate right and all that jazz and still gained my weight back because changing everything all the time in your life is hard. So telling someone they can take pills just to have it all the weight come back may be right but c’mon, we can do it “healthy” and still gain it all back too.

And if it’s an ad that everyone is ranting about then just skip the ad. Gee whiz just skip it. The person posting it is probably just trying to make money. Sure report them but then move on. It’s not the first ad and it won’t be the last.

We can judge someone else’s struggle with pills and whatever all we want but that’s because we might be having success right now. But in another year some of us could gain all our weight back from a pregnancy or a stressful time and there we are eyeing that bottle of diet pills or maybe even a weight loss surgery. We are all human and we all need compassion. If we were all perfect then we wouldn’t be on a weight loss site.

I like everyone on this site but I don’t care for the holier than thou thing. Now go on blog about it if you want. You know you will. But, don’t call me a hater. I’m not a hater. I’m just tired of the bullsh-t too. Only I see a different type of bullsh-t on this site.

Oh, and one more thing. I love how people like to criticize other peoples blogs by making negative comments on them and then they go off and write their own blog about the subject too and get everyone in an uproar and get all kinds of high fives but then they get all pissed off when someone write something negative on their blog and they want to delete away. It’s amusing.

If you don’t like me after this blog then I don’t care. I really don’t. I bet we can all find something in our lives that we are doing wrong in and no one in the whole wide world can convince us otherwise. But having a kind word or a pat on the back for the good things we do helps us keep going. I’m tired of the holier than thou bullsh-t. Yes, I’ll keep reading it and it’s for the same reason you read everyone else’s blog too or feel compelled to comment on someone else’s blog that you think they are doing wrong on. It’s because you can.

But, here is where things feel lonely. It sounds like I have a full weekend but then there comes Saturday night. No date, no new friends that I have met here either. Nothing. I could get dressed up and show off my new hair by going somewhere alone but how depressing is that? I guess I’m just not used to sitting and doing nothing on a Saturday. What to do, what to do. That’s the thing about being single. It can feel lonely. My sister has a boyfriend so she will be with him.

Oh how I wish I had someone right now to look forward to. To have someone you can’t wait to see. Who you think about all day and can’t wait to see them. My turn will come. Alot has happened to me recently so I am in no hurry to rush things. I am still legally married too so whatever. I’m just saying it would be nice.

All I can do is continue to work on myself. I may show a loss this week. There are times that I am up and sun shiny happy!!!! And then there are times I am lonely and hold back tears. I don’t miss my husband. I just miss the feel of wanting to see someone and enjoying each others company. Wanting to feel wanted again. Ahhh…it will happen. And then I’ll be blogging how I wish I could dump him and how he drives me crazy. lol

But, it hasn’t been all bad. I started working again (I was a stay at home mom for over 3 years) and it only took about a month to find my job and I’m getting paid pretty darn good too for someone who hasn’t worked in forever. I have made amends with my sister who has been my biggest supporter during my separation from my husband. I’m taking care of me more.

I’m going to use this blog to really tell how I feel this time around. Not all right now but as I go. I have alot of resentment…alot of dissapointment…alot of regret.

But I also have alot of hope…God has blessed me with many good things right now….my children are well and doing great…I’m earning my own money and making my own decisions…I’m guiding my own life again…I have made friends with my sister again.

Sometimes when things are quiet and I reflect back, I have alot of regrets and maybe even hatred for what my husband has put me through financially and emotionally. I have regrets and hate for what a “friend” did to me which was basically dump me when things got rough for me. I guess I just didn’t fit that stay at home mom pal with her anymore. More thoughts on that one later. I want to get past all that. I don’t want to feel hate, regret or anything. I don’t even want to feel good about them. I just want to feel indifferent about them. At least for now. Maybe later I can feel good about them. Maybe I need to feel hate and mourn the loss of my past life before I can go further.

I just hate when things are quiet and then I reflect back and feel like crying…

I will get through it all. God will get me through it all. When I have asked for His help, he is always there. I just need to learn to be patient for all the things I hope for myself.

Stay well Buddies. Thanks to people who still sent me messages and boosters and friend requests after all that time I was gone. It’s nice to know people haven’t forgotten you. : )

Couple of big things are happening this week.  I hope I can stay the course.

Have a good week buddies!

I noticed that since I gained alot (about half) of my weight back since losing around 60 pounds that I am no longer the confident woman I was before.  The old me is slowing creeping back.  I went from hating my picture being taken to loving my picture being taken and now to take my picture and I don’t want to see what it looks like.  lol  And when I do see it I can see my double chin back on all sides of my face.  Gee whiz I gained alot back.  Had some fun doing it but really, old me is creeping back and I don’t like it.   I used to be confident, a tad flirty but now I just can’t find that person anymore.  So now it’s back to business.

I made a few New Years Resolutions and one big one was to give up white bread.  This means white bread, flour tortillas an donut type products.  A friend insists I add crackers too so I will add it.  It’s not like I love crackers so what the hay. 

I’m going through a few personal things right now regarding money, family and maybe even a friendship.  I need to try and stay positive and also aggressive in everything I want to achieve.  I need to force myself to handle these problems as they come.  I just have to.  I think I have lost that confident feeling I once had because of the weight gain.  All that bad food I’ve been eating in the last year surely didn’t help me with my moods either.  Bad foods lead to bad emotions.  Late night eating too.  All gotta stop.  And worrying about what people think too.  Sure, I don’t have to let everyone know every personal problem I have but sometimes things are what they are and you have to put it out there instead of faking things and hiding things and eventually being caught in a lie.  Hopefully with the things that I have going on that my friends and family will let me have a little dignity and not ask so many questions.  I hate that shit. 

I also gotta get right with God.  Sorry God that I haven’t been the best.  I will do better.  I can’t expect You to bail me out every time and I do nothing in return.  I wouldn’t do that to a friend but I tend to do that to You who is so much more to me.  That’s not right.

I wish everyone a good New Year.  Let’s make 2009 one for the memory books.  The one where we make good changes! 

-Wonder Woman 

- I’m going to have to sell my house.  We just can’t afford it on one salary and a pay cut to boot. If I can’t sell it, then we may have to lose it completely which I’m preparing myself for.  Feelings of failure come and go the last few days now.  I read Dawnie’s blog the other day and Sandy commented with words that struck me so much that I copied and pasted her comments in a file on my computer.  It was simply put.  “It’s the life you’re living that counts, not the living you’re making.”  So many years I have struggled to keep this house.  Missing out on so many things because of that struggle.  Missing out on basic needs.  Arguing with the hubby all these years because of it.  Stressing and lack of sleep for it.  I almost gave in 3 years ago but fought for it for the sake of my son who was about 15 then.  Just couldn’t do that to him so more and more struggle.  That’s not living.  It’s time to simplify no matter what happens.  Time to downsize.  I feel like it’s kind of a step backwards but the reality is there is no extra money to get by with anymore.  There is no magic money that will appear.  I have to make the best of things and see what happens.  I’m not the first that this is happened to and I won’t be the last.   I can’t help but remember when I got married 9 years ago and I wanted to live in an apartment to save up money to pay bills and people would say “you are wasting your money.  Buy a house” and we listened.  I didn’t want to but felt that I should listen to all this wisdom crap coming my way.  This house has brought headaches more than anything.  After we bought it the same people who gave us that wisdom then criticized our decisions in buying the house.  lol. 

- I read Debra’s blog too and she mentioned a fight with her son and he left the house.  I’m going through that too.  I had to ask him to leave.  In all fairness he said he was leaving when we finally were moving out and I told him “leave now.  No use in you feeding off of us up until then.”  He is upset about the move and the changes but I can’t think about that anymore.  I did what I could when he was a young teen.  He’s grown now.  He lacks the gene that shows compassion.  Or the compassion gene he does have moves really slow to act.  I could be crying about everything that’s happening and he just worries about what will happen to him and what his feelings are.  I won’t get into our history of fighting over the years but I will say that my son has things backwards.  He thinks I need to earn his respect and love and not the other way around.  I’ve done without for so long to give him things he needed and to keep him in this house that it shouldn’t kill him to put on his big boy pants on and start acting like a man.  Enough said on that.

- My new weight loss goals will start New Years Day.  I’ve made some mistakes this year over my weght loss but I also had some victories too.  One major resolution is not to eat white bread or white tortillas for a year.  This should be interesting.  lol

I may erase my weight loss graph and start new.  This one is kinda hard because it documents my ups and downs over the last couple of years but maybe a new slate on all things are needed.  I almost want to delete every blog too.  That might be difficult but we’ll see. 

I hope 2009 brings good things to everyone.  Forgive me buddies for not being there for you during this last year.  I’m not sure how much I can really be here on a daily basis but I do need to stay in touch.  I do read blogs and I can relate to so much.  I’m just not in a good place right now to comment on things because I’m going through my own crap.  lol  But, I’m hopeful.  Drastic changes need to happen and maybe 2009 is that year that it will.

-Wonder Woman

And this Saturday in Austin, Texas I’ll be participating in trying to break the Guinness World Record for the Largest Simultaneous Dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.   I want to say it will be Austin and 83 countries all over the world  who will dance the “Thriller” dance at the same time.   And, you can dress like a Zombie, which is what I plan on doing!  :)   I’ve already started to learn the dance through their website videos and let me tell you, it is a workout!  lol   Here’s the website in case anyone was curious.  http://www.thrilltheworldaustin.com/

 The scale is also being kind to me today.  My hope is I’ll be in the 150’s again by this next weekend coming up.  Oh how good I’ll feel if that happens. 

Have a good day Buddies!

Bother 2 - I took the real age test at RealAge.com and now I’m trying to lower my “real age”.  Well one of the things that it recommended was for me to get more sleep.  So I started to keep track of how much sleep I actually get and it really isn’t enough.  I’m missing like a full 10 hours of sleep in a week.  And there are days I get 5 and then some I get 10.   I think this effects my mood big time and how my body feels.   I’m tired because I don’t get enough sleep and I’m tired because of the days with too much sleep and trying to play catch up. 

Bother 3 - I’m trying not to get angry so much so that my stress levels are down but people in this house keep pissing me off.  Are they secrectly trying to kill me?  It’s funny when you say to yourself “I will not get angry” and right away something makes you angry.  Like just making the statement alone invites anger. 

That’s it!  Thanks for reading!  Carry on.

I counted every calorie and every fat gram these choppers came in contact with and it paid off.  Not to mention all that dang cardo too.   I’m proud of the fact that I did not eat out at all this week.  All meals were cooked or prepared at home with my Cooking Light cookbook.   Yay me!  This is big for me.

Have a great weekend Buddies!  I hope everyone hears their own good news!