Archive for July, 2009

My Day of Beauty Came and Went

Yesterday was so nice. Up until a point.

I went with my sister for coffee and a new coffee house. She was hung over so she didn’t quite enjoy it as much as I did. Then off to my hair appointment. I love my new hair. Love it, love it. I think it’s edgy and young. I think the stylist made me look my age but a cool 38! lol Heck, he may have even shed a few years from me (blowing knuckles and wiping them off from my shirt). Anything though would have made my hair looked better than what was happening with it. Then it was off to get my toes done. I felt beautiful and looked good but I had no Saturday plans.

I hate when you have new hair and no where to go!!! What a waste!!! lol

But after some quick texting to a friend, plans came my way. I had a good time going to this little Tejano bar that I didn’t know existed. My hair and I were bouncing everywhere. lol

I’m about to get on the scale and see what the week has brought me but wait….I just remembered…weigh in is tomorrow! Whew, dodged that bullet.

Have a good one buddies. I have to try and keep my goals together. I’m eyeballing some Lucky Brand jeans. Cross your fingers that I win something tonight at Chicken Shit Bingo! Or at least that someone buys me a beer. A Light one. ;)

UPDATE: Oooh, I forgot that I wrote that up until a point my Saturday was good. My friend, her boyfriend and I all went to the little club and I was having a blast. Then the boyfriend decided he wanted to leave early and I couldn’t stay at the club by myself so I had to go to. Wa wa waaaaaaaaaa. lol I’m putting him on my sh-t list. : )

My own diet pill rant but it might not be what you think.

If people are taking diet pills it’s because they are desperate and they don’t really know what to do. They are looking for some help people. They don’t need rants thrown at them. I took diet pills for about a month in my twenties and learned that they didn’t work. Then I lost weight doing healthy things but went back to my old ways and gained. And then I found myself still looking at those diet pills again. Even when I knew better I was still looking because some of us get in that desperate state of wanting help.

Just because alot of us have lost weight in healthy ways doesn’t make us experts to start telling others how to do it. We probably have all made mistakes in the past and we had to learn things ourselves. Shit, some of the blogs on here are about how people (like our relatives) want to give us “helpful hints” about dieting and we don’t like the different ways they tell us so why should we be pushy to others when we don’t think they are doing something right. Our relatives or friends are right but we don’t like their delivery of their message or we aren’t in the right place in our lives to listen. And let’s not forget, we should always have a certain amount of grace when we are advising others.

Hell, let’s be honest here. I know that diet pills can be harmful to our health and I recommend them to no one. But I know that there are people on this site who have taken harder things than diet pills (yes, I mean drugs) and probably no one could tell them they were doing wrong. So why can’t we show a little compassion or grace to someone who might be taking diet pills. People learn on their own time and with their own experiences.

Or maybe someone may have a bad relationship and others see it and try to tell that person but that person says “Mind your own business”. They don’t see that their relationship is bad but everyone in the freaking world can see it. That person too will learn in their own time. (yes, I might just be talking about you)

I’m just saying, some people will learn on their own and in their own time.

And as far as this “clean eating” is concerned, I don’t think it’s for everyone. Eat clean all you want but then I’ve seen some people eat “clean” and not get enough protein or iron and blah blah blah. And if I could put my two cents in (which I will because it’s my blog) then I think “clean eating” is a bit of a fad diet. I’ve had friends brag that they were vegetarians but still have weight problems because they ate pasta all the dang time. Do whatever you want but let’s not all become experts ok?

Would I ever recommend diet pills to anyone? No. But I don’t want to sit and judge someones struggle because I know how hard it is. I can tell someone all day long that diet pills are bad but they might or might not listen. But if they see me doing it healthy or read my blogs about doing it in a healthy way then that might get them to want to do it more than just taking the pills.

I have done things right myself. Exercised, ate right and all that jazz and still gained my weight back because changing everything all the time in your life is hard. So telling someone they can take pills just to have it all the weight come back may be right but c’mon, we can do it “healthy” and still gain it all back too.

And if it’s an ad that everyone is ranting about then just skip the ad. Gee whiz just skip it. The person posting it is probably just trying to make money. Sure report them but then move on. It’s not the first ad and it won’t be the last.

We can judge someone else’s struggle with pills and whatever all we want but that’s because we might be having success right now. But in another year some of us could gain all our weight back from a pregnancy or a stressful time and there we are eyeing that bottle of diet pills or maybe even a weight loss surgery. We are all human and we all need compassion. If we were all perfect then we wouldn’t be on a weight loss site.

I like everyone on this site but I don’t care for the holier than thou thing. Now go on blog about it if you want. You know you will. But, don’t call me a hater. I’m not a hater. I’m just tired of the bullsh-t too. Only I see a different type of bullsh-t on this site.

Oh, and one more thing. I love how people like to criticize other peoples blogs by making negative comments on them and then they go off and write their own blog about the subject too and get everyone in an uproar and get all kinds of high fives but then they get all pissed off when someone write something negative on their blog and they want to delete away. It’s amusing.

If you don’t like me after this blog then I don’t care. I really don’t. I bet we can all find something in our lives that we are doing wrong in and no one in the whole wide world can convince us otherwise. But having a kind word or a pat on the back for the good things we do helps us keep going. I’m tired of the holier than thou bullsh-t. Yes, I’ll keep reading it and it’s for the same reason you read everyone else’s blog too or feel compelled to comment on someone else’s blog that you think they are doing wrong on. It’s because you can.

Looking Forward To The Weekend. I think.

I am looking forward to it. Tomorrow night we are going to an upscale 60’s theme place to eat called the Belmont. Austin is very laid back so you can either go dressed up or way dressed down practically anywhere. You can come in shorts and others are in suits and no one gives a care. I like that about this city. I however may get all dressed up and try and feel pretty again. I have that planned and I have golf (a new thing I recently took up) Saturday morning, then brunch later at a new coffee house I haven’t tried and then off to get my hair cut and colored. Later my toes done. I also have shopping planned. I’m calling it “My Day of Beauty!” Cheesy. On Sunday I have Chicken Shit Bingo. It’s at an old dive around here where you have a bingo card and you wait for a chicken to shit on the numbers you need. Looking forward to that!

But, here is where things feel lonely. It sounds like I have a full weekend but then there comes Saturday night. No date, no new friends that I have met here either. Nothing. I could get dressed up and show off my new hair by going somewhere alone but how depressing is that? I guess I’m just not used to sitting and doing nothing on a Saturday. What to do, what to do. That’s the thing about being single. It can feel lonely. My sister has a boyfriend so she will be with him.

Oh how I wish I had someone right now to look forward to. To have someone you can’t wait to see. Who you think about all day and can’t wait to see them. My turn will come. Alot has happened to me recently so I am in no hurry to rush things. I am still legally married too so whatever. I’m just saying it would be nice.

All I can do is continue to work on myself. I may show a loss this week. There are times that I am up and sun shiny happy!!!! And then there are times I am lonely and hold back tears. I don’t miss my husband. I just miss the feel of wanting to see someone and enjoying each others company. Wanting to feel wanted again. Ahhh…it will happen. And then I’ll be blogging how I wish I could dump him and how he drives me crazy. lol

I’m Back I Think. Does Anyone Even Remember me? lol

I think I’m back. I hate to say I am and then not log in for a while but the goal is to come back and blog more. When I first started Buddyslim (a couple of years ago?) I used it mostly to journal about my plan and my ups and downs of my food and exercise plan. But now I am a couple of years older and some major changes have come into my life and I want to journal my feelings. I feel my trust level with people has really gone down the tubes so to journal my thoughts may be a better way of getting things out instead of trusting local friends and family with my thoughts. I even noticed that when I journaled before I was vague sometimes about what I felt but you know…I don’t really care anymore. I almost deleted my account to make a whole new one so I could write down my thoughts without anyone actually seeing everything I felt. You know, like people in your area who may have joined up too? But now…I don’t care anymore. So much has happened to me…embarassement…a separation…loss of home…moving on from so called “friends”, why should I care what people think anymore? I’ve been embarrassed enough and tired of trying to hide it all. My sister has shown me not to care anymore what people think. So much has happened to me with my friends and family watching that I almost feel like my life has zero privacy. I’ve lost alot of pride. Good thing? Well, we shall see as time goes by.

But, it hasn’t been all bad. I started working again (I was a stay at home mom for over 3 years) and it only took about a month to find my job and I’m getting paid pretty darn good too for someone who hasn’t worked in forever. I have made amends with my sister who has been my biggest supporter during my separation from my husband. I’m taking care of me more.

I’m going to use this blog to really tell how I feel this time around. Not all right now but as I go. I have alot of resentment…alot of dissapointment…alot of regret.

But I also have alot of hope…God has blessed me with many good things right now….my children are well and doing great…I’m earning my own money and making my own decisions…I’m guiding my own life again…I have made friends with my sister again.

Sometimes when things are quiet and I reflect back, I have alot of regrets and maybe even hatred for what my husband has put me through financially and emotionally. I have regrets and hate for what a “friend” did to me which was basically dump me when things got rough for me. I guess I just didn’t fit that stay at home mom pal with her anymore. More thoughts on that one later. I want to get past all that. I don’t want to feel hate, regret or anything. I don’t even want to feel good about them. I just want to feel indifferent about them. At least for now. Maybe later I can feel good about them. Maybe I need to feel hate and mourn the loss of my past life before I can go further.

I just hate when things are quiet and then I reflect back and feel like crying…

I will get through it all. God will get me through it all. When I have asked for His help, he is always there. I just need to learn to be patient for all the things I hope for myself.

Stay well Buddies. Thanks to people who still sent me messages and boosters and friend requests after all that time I was gone. It’s nice to know people haven’t forgotten you. : )