WonderWoman

2008 brought me a great time.  One of my best years ever in regards to friendship and fun.  I put myself “out there” more this year than any other year in a long, long time and I’m glad I did.  I really am.  But now 2009 is approaching and so many changes are going to happen right away.

- I’m going to have to sell my house.  We just can’t afford it on one salary and a pay cut to boot. If I can’t sell it, then we may have to lose it completely which I’m preparing myself for.  Feelings of failure come and go the last few days now.  I read Dawnie’s blog the other day and Sandy commented with words that struck me so much that I copied and pasted her comments in a file on my computer.  It was simply put.  “It’s the life you’re living that counts, not the living you’re making.”  So many years I have struggled to keep this house.  Missing out on so many things because of that struggle.  Missing out on basic needs.  Arguing with the hubby all these years because of it.  Stressing and lack of sleep for it.  I almost gave in 3 years ago but fought for it for the sake of my son who was about 15 then.  Just couldn’t do that to him so more and more struggle.  That’s not living.  It’s time to simplify no matter what happens.  Time to downsize.  I feel like it’s kind of a step backwards but the reality is there is no extra money to get by with anymore.  There is no magic money that will appear.  I have to make the best of things and see what happens.  I’m not the first that this is happened to and I won’t be the last.   I can’t help but remember when I got married 9 years ago and I wanted to live in an apartment to save up money to pay bills and people would say “you are wasting your money.  Buy a house” and we listened.  I didn’t want to but felt that I should listen to all this wisdom crap coming my way.  This house has brought headaches more than anything.  After we bought it the same people who gave us that wisdom then criticized our decisions in buying the house.  lol. 

- I read Debra’s blog too and she mentioned a fight with her son and he left the house.  I’m going through that too.  I had to ask him to leave.  In all fairness he said he was leaving when we finally were moving out and I told him “leave now.  No use in you feeding off of us up until then.”  He is upset about the move and the changes but I can’t think about that anymore.  I did what I could when he was a young teen.  He’s grown now.  He lacks the gene that shows compassion.  Or the compassion gene he does have moves really slow to act.  I could be crying about everything that’s happening and he just worries about what will happen to him and what his feelings are.  I won’t get into our history of fighting over the years but I will say that my son has things backwards.  He thinks I need to earn his respect and love and not the other way around.  I’ve done without for so long to give him things he needed and to keep him in this house that it shouldn’t kill him to put on his big boy pants on and start acting like a man.  Enough said on that.

- My new weight loss goals will start New Years Day.  I’ve made some mistakes this year over my weght loss but I also had some victories too.  One major resolution is not to eat white bread or white tortillas for a year.  This should be interesting.  lol

I may erase my weight loss graph and start new.  This one is kinda hard because it documents my ups and downs over the last couple of years but maybe a new slate on all things are needed.  I almost want to delete every blog too.  That might be difficult but we’ll see. 

I hope 2009 brings good things to everyone.  Forgive me buddies for not being there for you during this last year.  I’m not sure how much I can really be here on a daily basis but I do need to stay in touch.  I do read blogs and I can relate to so much.  I’m just not in a good place right now to comment on things because I’m going through my own crap.  lol  But, I’m hopeful.  Drastic changes need to happen and maybe 2009 is that year that it will.

-Wonder Woman