My Day of Beauty Came and Went

Yesterday was so nice. Up until a point.

I went with my sister for coffee and a new coffee house. She was hung over so she didn’t quite enjoy it as much as I did. Then off to my hair appointment. I love my new hair. Love it, love it. I think it’s edgy and young. I think the stylist made me look my age but a cool 38! lol Heck, he may have even shed a few years from me (blowing knuckles and wiping them off from my shirt). Anything though would have made my hair looked better than what was happening with it. Then it was off to get my toes done. I felt beautiful and looked good but I had no Saturday plans.

I hate when you have new hair and no where to go!!! What a waste!!! lol

But after some quick texting to a friend, plans came my way. I had a good time going to this little Tejano bar that I didn’t know existed. My hair and I were bouncing everywhere. lol

I’m about to get on the scale and see what the week has brought me but wait….I just remembered…weigh in is tomorrow! Whew, dodged that bullet.

Have a good one buddies. I have to try and keep my goals together. I’m eyeballing some Lucky Brand jeans. Cross your fingers that I win something tonight at Chicken Shit Bingo! Or at least that someone buys me a beer. A Light one. ;)

UPDATE: Oooh, I forgot that I wrote that up until a point my Saturday was good. My friend, her boyfriend and I all went to the little club and I was having a blast. Then the boyfriend decided he wanted to leave early and I couldn’t stay at the club by myself so I had to go to. Wa wa waaaaaaaaaa. lol I’m putting him on my sh-t list. : )

My own diet pill rant but it might not be what you think.

If people are taking diet pills it’s because they are desperate and they don’t really know what to do. They are looking for some help people. They don’t need rants thrown at them. I took diet pills for about a month in my twenties and learned that they didn’t work. Then I lost weight doing healthy things but went back to my old ways and gained. And then I found myself still looking at those diet pills again. Even when I knew better I was still looking because some of us get in that desperate state of wanting help.

Just because alot of us have lost weight in healthy ways doesn’t make us experts to start telling others how to do it. We probably have all made mistakes in the past and we had to learn things ourselves. Shit, some of the blogs on here are about how people (like our relatives) want to give us “helpful hints” about dieting and we don’t like the different ways they tell us so why should we be pushy to others when we don’t think they are doing something right. Our relatives or friends are right but we don’t like their delivery of their message or we aren’t in the right place in our lives to listen. And let’s not forget, we should always have a certain amount of grace when we are advising others.

Hell, let’s be honest here. I know that diet pills can be harmful to our health and I recommend them to no one. But I know that there are people on this site who have taken harder things than diet pills (yes, I mean drugs) and probably no one could tell them they were doing wrong. So why can’t we show a little compassion or grace to someone who might be taking diet pills. People learn on their own time and with their own experiences.

Or maybe someone may have a bad relationship and others see it and try to tell that person but that person says “Mind your own business”. They don’t see that their relationship is bad but everyone in the freaking world can see it. That person too will learn in their own time. (yes, I might just be talking about you)

I’m just saying, some people will learn on their own and in their own time.

And as far as this “clean eating” is concerned, I don’t think it’s for everyone. Eat clean all you want but then I’ve seen some people eat “clean” and not get enough protein or iron and blah blah blah. And if I could put my two cents in (which I will because it’s my blog) then I think “clean eating” is a bit of a fad diet. I’ve had friends brag that they were vegetarians but still have weight problems because they ate pasta all the dang time. Do whatever you want but let’s not all become experts ok?

Would I ever recommend diet pills to anyone? No. But I don’t want to sit and judge someones struggle because I know how hard it is. I can tell someone all day long that diet pills are bad but they might or might not listen. But if they see me doing it healthy or read my blogs about doing it in a healthy way then that might get them to want to do it more than just taking the pills.

I have done things right myself. Exercised, ate right and all that jazz and still gained my weight back because changing everything all the time in your life is hard. So telling someone they can take pills just to have it all the weight come back may be right but c’mon, we can do it “healthy” and still gain it all back too.

And if it’s an ad that everyone is ranting about then just skip the ad. Gee whiz just skip it. The person posting it is probably just trying to make money. Sure report them but then move on. It’s not the first ad and it won’t be the last.

We can judge someone else’s struggle with pills and whatever all we want but that’s because we might be having success right now. But in another year some of us could gain all our weight back from a pregnancy or a stressful time and there we are eyeing that bottle of diet pills or maybe even a weight loss surgery. We are all human and we all need compassion. If we were all perfect then we wouldn’t be on a weight loss site.

I like everyone on this site but I don’t care for the holier than thou thing. Now go on blog about it if you want. You know you will. But, don’t call me a hater. I’m not a hater. I’m just tired of the bullsh-t too. Only I see a different type of bullsh-t on this site.

Oh, and one more thing. I love how people like to criticize other peoples blogs by making negative comments on them and then they go off and write their own blog about the subject too and get everyone in an uproar and get all kinds of high fives but then they get all pissed off when someone write something negative on their blog and they want to delete away. It’s amusing.

If you don’t like me after this blog then I don’t care. I really don’t. I bet we can all find something in our lives that we are doing wrong in and no one in the whole wide world can convince us otherwise. But having a kind word or a pat on the back for the good things we do helps us keep going. I’m tired of the holier than thou bullsh-t. Yes, I’ll keep reading it and it’s for the same reason you read everyone else’s blog too or feel compelled to comment on someone else’s blog that you think they are doing wrong on. It’s because you can.

Looking Forward To The Weekend. I think.

I am looking forward to it. Tomorrow night we are going to an upscale 60’s theme place to eat called the Belmont. Austin is very laid back so you can either go dressed up or way dressed down practically anywhere. You can come in shorts and others are in suits and no one gives a care. I like that about this city. I however may get all dressed up and try and feel pretty again. I have that planned and I have golf (a new thing I recently took up) Saturday morning, then brunch later at a new coffee house I haven’t tried and then off to get my hair cut and colored. Later my toes done. I also have shopping planned. I’m calling it “My Day of Beauty!” Cheesy. On Sunday I have Chicken Shit Bingo. It’s at an old dive around here where you have a bingo card and you wait for a chicken to shit on the numbers you need. Looking forward to that!

But, here is where things feel lonely. It sounds like I have a full weekend but then there comes Saturday night. No date, no new friends that I have met here either. Nothing. I could get dressed up and show off my new hair by going somewhere alone but how depressing is that? I guess I’m just not used to sitting and doing nothing on a Saturday. What to do, what to do. That’s the thing about being single. It can feel lonely. My sister has a boyfriend so she will be with him.

Oh how I wish I had someone right now to look forward to. To have someone you can’t wait to see. Who you think about all day and can’t wait to see them. My turn will come. Alot has happened to me recently so I am in no hurry to rush things. I am still legally married too so whatever. I’m just saying it would be nice.

All I can do is continue to work on myself. I may show a loss this week. There are times that I am up and sun shiny happy!!!! And then there are times I am lonely and hold back tears. I don’t miss my husband. I just miss the feel of wanting to see someone and enjoying each others company. Wanting to feel wanted again. Ahhh…it will happen. And then I’ll be blogging how I wish I could dump him and how he drives me crazy. lol

I’m Back I Think. Does Anyone Even Remember me? lol

I think I’m back. I hate to say I am and then not log in for a while but the goal is to come back and blog more. When I first started Buddyslim (a couple of years ago?) I used it mostly to journal about my plan and my ups and downs of my food and exercise plan. But now I am a couple of years older and some major changes have come into my life and I want to journal my feelings. I feel my trust level with people has really gone down the tubes so to journal my thoughts may be a better way of getting things out instead of trusting local friends and family with my thoughts. I even noticed that when I journaled before I was vague sometimes about what I felt but you know…I don’t really care anymore. I almost deleted my account to make a whole new one so I could write down my thoughts without anyone actually seeing everything I felt. You know, like people in your area who may have joined up too? But now…I don’t care anymore. So much has happened to me…embarassement…a separation…loss of home…moving on from so called “friends”, why should I care what people think anymore? I’ve been embarrassed enough and tired of trying to hide it all. My sister has shown me not to care anymore what people think. So much has happened to me with my friends and family watching that I almost feel like my life has zero privacy. I’ve lost alot of pride. Good thing? Well, we shall see as time goes by.

But, it hasn’t been all bad. I started working again (I was a stay at home mom for over 3 years) and it only took about a month to find my job and I’m getting paid pretty darn good too for someone who hasn’t worked in forever. I have made amends with my sister who has been my biggest supporter during my separation from my husband. I’m taking care of me more.

I’m going to use this blog to really tell how I feel this time around. Not all right now but as I go. I have alot of resentment…alot of dissapointment…alot of regret.

But I also have alot of hope…God has blessed me with many good things right now….my children are well and doing great…I’m earning my own money and making my own decisions…I’m guiding my own life again…I have made friends with my sister again.

Sometimes when things are quiet and I reflect back, I have alot of regrets and maybe even hatred for what my husband has put me through financially and emotionally. I have regrets and hate for what a “friend” did to me which was basically dump me when things got rough for me. I guess I just didn’t fit that stay at home mom pal with her anymore. More thoughts on that one later. I want to get past all that. I don’t want to feel hate, regret or anything. I don’t even want to feel good about them. I just want to feel indifferent about them. At least for now. Maybe later I can feel good about them. Maybe I need to feel hate and mourn the loss of my past life before I can go further.

I just hate when things are quiet and then I reflect back and feel like crying…

I will get through it all. God will get me through it all. When I have asked for His help, he is always there. I just need to learn to be patient for all the things I hope for myself.

Stay well Buddies. Thanks to people who still sent me messages and boosters and friend requests after all that time I was gone. It’s nice to know people haven’t forgotten you. : )

4 Pound Loss - That’s always nice to have.

Quick note for today.  I lost 4 pounds this week.  I really didn’t put my heart and soul in it but I ate right and stayed away from junk.  It was one of those weeks where I wasn’t enthusiastic about my plan but I did it anyway.  I knew that I was going out on Saturday night and was going to drink so I wanted to be a good girl all week so I could splurge on the weekend.  Well, I went out last night and drank and danced it off and I’m glad to say the scale smiled at me this morning.  And, I’m glad to say that last night I got the munchies but fought the urges.    I’m going grocery shopping tonight so I can have a successful second week.  We shall see where it leads me.

Couple of big things are happening this week.  I hope I can stay the course.

Have a good week buddies!

Up late or maybe early to some (4am) pondering over my resolutions

Really I’m up late because I partied way too much on New Years Eve and brought in the New Year way too long and slept through most of the day part of Thursday.  Whew.  I had so much fun but now I’m up and can’t sleep.  This will take a couple of days worth to get back to normal.  Maybe I’ll take a Benadryl to help me out.  hee hee.

I noticed that since I gained alot (about half) of my weight back since losing around 60 pounds that I am no longer the confident woman I was before.  The old me is slowing creeping back.  I went from hating my picture being taken to loving my picture being taken and now to take my picture and I don’t want to see what it looks like.  lol  And when I do see it I can see my double chin back on all sides of my face.  Gee whiz I gained alot back.  Had some fun doing it but really, old me is creeping back and I don’t like it.   I used to be confident, a tad flirty but now I just can’t find that person anymore.  So now it’s back to business.

I made a few New Years Resolutions and one big one was to give up white bread.  This means white bread, flour tortillas an donut type products.  A friend insists I add crackers too so I will add it.  It’s not like I love crackers so what the hay. 

I’m going through a few personal things right now regarding money, family and maybe even a friendship.  I need to try and stay positive and also aggressive in everything I want to achieve.  I need to force myself to handle these problems as they come.  I just have to.  I think I have lost that confident feeling I once had because of the weight gain.  All that bad food I’ve been eating in the last year surely didn’t help me with my moods either.  Bad foods lead to bad emotions.  Late night eating too.  All gotta stop.  And worrying about what people think too.  Sure, I don’t have to let everyone know every personal problem I have but sometimes things are what they are and you have to put it out there instead of faking things and hiding things and eventually being caught in a lie.  Hopefully with the things that I have going on that my friends and family will let me have a little dignity and not ask so many questions.  I hate that shit. 

I also gotta get right with God.  Sorry God that I haven’t been the best.  I will do better.  I can’t expect You to bail me out every time and I do nothing in return.  I wouldn’t do that to a friend but I tend to do that to You who is so much more to me.  That’s not right.

I wish everyone a good New Year.  Let’s make 2009 one for the memory books.  The one where we make good changes! 

-Wonder Woman 

Tick tock, tick tock…times almost up for 2008. Let’s get it over with already.

2008 brought me a great time.  One of my best years ever in regards to friendship and fun.  I put myself “out there” more this year than any other year in a long, long time and I’m glad I did.  I really am.  But now 2009 is approaching and so many changes are going to happen right away.

- I’m going to have to sell my house.  We just can’t afford it on one salary and a pay cut to boot. If I can’t sell it, then we may have to lose it completely which I’m preparing myself for.  Feelings of failure come and go the last few days now.  I read Dawnie’s blog the other day and Sandy commented with words that struck me so much that I copied and pasted her comments in a file on my computer.  It was simply put.  “It’s the life you’re living that counts, not the living you’re making.”  So many years I have struggled to keep this house.  Missing out on so many things because of that struggle.  Missing out on basic needs.  Arguing with the hubby all these years because of it.  Stressing and lack of sleep for it.  I almost gave in 3 years ago but fought for it for the sake of my son who was about 15 then.  Just couldn’t do that to him so more and more struggle.  That’s not living.  It’s time to simplify no matter what happens.  Time to downsize.  I feel like it’s kind of a step backwards but the reality is there is no extra money to get by with anymore.  There is no magic money that will appear.  I have to make the best of things and see what happens.  I’m not the first that this is happened to and I won’t be the last.   I can’t help but remember when I got married 9 years ago and I wanted to live in an apartment to save up money to pay bills and people would say “you are wasting your money.  Buy a house” and we listened.  I didn’t want to but felt that I should listen to all this wisdom crap coming my way.  This house has brought headaches more than anything.  After we bought it the same people who gave us that wisdom then criticized our decisions in buying the house.  lol. 

- I read Debra’s blog too and she mentioned a fight with her son and he left the house.  I’m going through that too.  I had to ask him to leave.  In all fairness he said he was leaving when we finally were moving out and I told him “leave now.  No use in you feeding off of us up until then.”  He is upset about the move and the changes but I can’t think about that anymore.  I did what I could when he was a young teen.  He’s grown now.  He lacks the gene that shows compassion.  Or the compassion gene he does have moves really slow to act.  I could be crying about everything that’s happening and he just worries about what will happen to him and what his feelings are.  I won’t get into our history of fighting over the years but I will say that my son has things backwards.  He thinks I need to earn his respect and love and not the other way around.  I’ve done without for so long to give him things he needed and to keep him in this house that it shouldn’t kill him to put on his big boy pants on and start acting like a man.  Enough said on that.

- My new weight loss goals will start New Years Day.  I’ve made some mistakes this year over my weght loss but I also had some victories too.  One major resolution is not to eat white bread or white tortillas for a year.  This should be interesting.  lol

I may erase my weight loss graph and start new.  This one is kinda hard because it documents my ups and downs over the last couple of years but maybe a new slate on all things are needed.  I almost want to delete every blog too.  That might be difficult but we’ll see. 

I hope 2009 brings good things to everyone.  Forgive me buddies for not being there for you during this last year.  I’m not sure how much I can really be here on a daily basis but I do need to stay in touch.  I do read blogs and I can relate to so much.  I’m just not in a good place right now to comment on things because I’m going through my own crap.  lol  But, I’m hopeful.  Drastic changes need to happen and maybe 2009 is that year that it will.

-Wonder Woman

I Ran My First 5k! And this week I’m a “Thriller” zombie!

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to run a 5k and I did it yesterday!  That’s just little over 3 miles.   My time was 30 minutes and 44 seconds! 

And this Saturday in Austin, Texas I’ll be participating in trying to break the Guinness World Record for the Largest Simultaneous Dance to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.   I want to say it will be Austin and 83 countries all over the world  who will dance the “Thriller” dance at the same time.   And, you can dress like a Zombie, which is what I plan on doing!  :)   I’ve already started to learn the dance through their website videos and let me tell you, it is a workout!  lol   Here’s the website in case anyone was curious.  http://www.thrilltheworldaustin.com/

 The scale is also being kind to me today.  My hope is I’ll be in the 150’s again by this next weekend coming up.  Oh how good I’ll feel if that happens.  :)

Have a good day Buddies!

3 Things Bothering Me Today

Bother 1 - I hate that I woke up today and noticed the scale was up .5 pounds.  I hate that it bothers me.  I hate that after all this time of trying to lose weight and I know the ups and downs of the scale that it still bothers me.  I hate that just a tiny .5 pounds of fat has that effect on me.  It puts you in a mood sometimes.  I ran 3 miles last night and ate completely well and nothing?  lol  Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to the brain.

Bother 2 - I took the real age test at RealAge.com and now I’m trying to lower my “real age”.  Well one of the things that it recommended was for me to get more sleep.  So I started to keep track of how much sleep I actually get and it really isn’t enough.  I’m missing like a full 10 hours of sleep in a week.  And there are days I get 5 and then some I get 10.   I think this effects my mood big time and how my body feels.   I’m tired because I don’t get enough sleep and I’m tired because of the days with too much sleep and trying to play catch up. 

Bother 3 - I’m trying not to get angry so much so that my stress levels are down but people in this house keep pissing me off.  Are they secrectly trying to kill me?  It’s funny when you say to yourself “I will not get angry” and right away something makes you angry.  Like just making the statement alone invites anger. 

That’s it!  Thanks for reading!  Carry on.

5, Count them 5 big one’s.

Uh huh, 5 pounds gone.   Oh yeah, oh yeah.  (Flexing muscles from side to side)

I counted every calorie and every fat gram these choppers came in contact with and it paid off.  Not to mention all that dang cardo too.   I’m proud of the fact that I did not eat out at all this week.  All meals were cooked or prepared at home with my Cooking Light cookbook.   Yay me!  This is big for me.

Have a great weekend Buddies!  I hope everyone hears their own good news! 

Can I Count Drinking Out Of A Beer Bottle As Strength Training? There Is A Certain Arm Movement To It.

Hello out there in Buddyslim Land.  Last night I went to have some drinks with a couple of friends and I’m paying a small price for it today (a lingering headache) so please, keep your voices down while visiting my blog.

I did however plan for the evening and saved up alot of calories in order to throw some back (like my honkey tonk talk?)  and still meet my calorie goals which is kinda weird in a way.  But, it’s what I’m trying to do to find balance with losing weight and not sacrificing my social life.  I gave up alot of social time last year trying to get in shape and now since I lost the bulk of my weight, I don’t want to sacrifice it again. 

So I’m happy to report I met my calorie goals big time.  I even did the research on what beer had the lowest carbs and calories and for you beer drinkers out there reading, there is a difference.  If anyone cares, Miller Lite and Budweiser Select are lower in carbs and calories then any of your regular type bar beers. 

Have a great weekend buddies.  For those of you who are weighing in tomorrow or Sunday, my fingers are crossed for you and me!  Oooh, I said that way too loud.  (rubbing my head)

Waa Waa Melon

I read an article about 10 mistakes parents make when feeding their kids and one caught my eye.  It was something like “Don’t hide snacks from your children.  Kids want what they can’t have so if you hide it then they want it more.  Keep it where they can see it”.   Well I noticed that I really don’t hide my kid snack foods and my 3 year old can see them and she knows what they are too.   But about an hour ago she saw the watermelon we have and patted it and said “I want some.”  So I cut it up for her and she ate it.  Later she said “I’m hungry” and I asked her if she wanted apples and she said yes.   Then she found some oranges and wanted those too.   She sees the bad snacks but she isn’t asking for them at all.

I’m thinking if a parent wants their kids to have snacky foods (which I’m ok with myself) then you have to give fruit equal time.   Now I can see how this wouldn’t work so easily for a child who has junk all the time and then their parents try to get healthy and the kids rebel because they don’t normally eat fruit.  That I can see where it would take some time and some battles.   Lord knows I’ve been there with my oldest.  But, if we get our kids early and teach them that fruit can be good and make it a normal thing around the house then they are better off in the long run. 

Let’s hope I can take my own observations from today and remember them not just for today but from here on out raising her.  Let me remember to always have good foods around.  Always.   Fingers crossed!

Have a great day Buddies!  Let’s karate chop some fat today!  Aaaaaeeee yaaaa!  (hand making stupid chopping motion)

Drinking some nasty ass red wine and checking in on Buddyslim

Well, I’m trying to drink some red wine now for the health benefits and the taste is something I’m just not used to.  Maybe with some time I will begin to like it.   I’m only drinking 1/4 cup so it’s no biggie.   Maybe I should pour it into a beer bottle since that’s more my style.  lol.  Fool my brain.  Ha ha!

Good news for me tonight.  I ran 3 miles!  I guess it’s not the most exciting news but it’s always nice to see you still “got it” ya know?  I used to run that alot before and then stopped and would pick it up here and there.  So anytime I can run it now makes me think there is still hope for these lazy bones of mine. 

 Have a great night buddies.  Let’s now put our feet up and rest.  Ahhhh…and sip on some wine…  :)

Food Log

Exercise Log

Rocky Made A Comeback And So Can I

Saturday - Did major grocery shopping and brought in lots of good foods.  Goal is to eat at home everyday for every meal and meeting calorie and fat gram targets.

Sunday - Started my health plan all over again.  Hit all food target numbers that I set for myself

Monday - Hit food target numbers I set for myself and ran 2 miles and walked 1.  Started reading my Dr. Oz book again to get re-inspired.  Started taking vitamins again.

Tuesday - Hit food target numbers again and ran 2 miles and walked 1.  Registration form has been sent out for my first 5k run. 

Wed - Ate a good breakfast so far and looking ahead for a good day.  (scale had good news this morning but won’t log anything until later)

Have a great day buddies!  It’s never easy starting over but the pay off is great if we keep at it.  I should know.  This is my umpteenth time restarting.  :)

No Fussin’ No Cussin’ No Hasslin’ No Wrasslin’

My title is from a MySpace page for a little bar I want to go to in Austin, Tx.  It has  a bingo game there called Chicken Sh-t Bingo and this chicken in a cage poops on numbers and you hope you have the numbers it poops on.   I like the title because it’s cute and I think it’s fitting for some folks here on Buddyslim.

 Anyway…….I signed up for a 5K race for Oct. 15th.  This will be the first race I have done where I actually ran it.   I hope that training for this race will help jump start my weight loss efforts again and if I complete the race then I can scratch that one off my New Years Resolution list. 

On another note, the other day I read a blog where someone spoke about the skinny people and their efforts to lose weight too and how they talk about it.  When I was younger I used to think they (skinny people)  were just complaining over nothing too but I have since changed my way of thinking.   I remember when I was 207 and I needed to lose over 60 pounds.   When I started reaching the 160’s did I then become one of the skinny people?  No.  When I reached 150 did I become one of the skinny people?  No.  I may have gotten skinnier but I wasn’t skinny.  My BMI still said I was overweight.  What is that magic number out there that tells others you need to stop talking about weight loss?   I know there are some people that need to lose 60, 70 or even 100 pounds but just because a person isn’t in the 200’s doesn’t mean they shouldn’t talk or act on their weight loss.  Just because a person has only 15 more pounds to go doesn’t mean they shouldn’t talk about it.  I remember working with some skinny girls and they would watch what they ate and discussed it and that’s probably because they knew if they didn’t that they would gain weight too.  The only difference between them and I was that they watched what they ate and I just ate whatever I could.   I guess my whole point is on this subject is what’s the magic number that you have to quit talking about weight loss?   I may not be 200 and something pounds anymore but my weight is still at a dangerous number for heart problems and other medical problems so I think that’s ok.  And if someone whose 130 wants to try and get at a healthy but at a lower weight then I’m ok with that because it’s better they do it now before it really becomes a hard struggle.     This was not a rant but just an opinion on the subject.  I mean, if we all made it to our goal weight and became “skinny” are we not allowed to talk about our weight loss efforts anymore because we are no longer considered “fat” by others?   Believe me when I say the struggle continues on.  I made it to my goal weight once and you just don’t magically stay at that number.  You have to keep working out and eating right or the weight comes back on.

Have a good one buddies.  To all my fellow Texans out there, especially the one’s living on or near the coast, stay safe.  That Ike looks pretty mean. 

My Husband Found A Job! Thank you God and thank you to all my Buddyslim Pals!

Yes it happened!  He finally got a job today and starts Wed!

Thank you God!  Thank you for hearing me when I was soooo down.  Thank you for the blessing you gave us!

Thank you to all my Buddyslim pals that responded to my last blog.  So many of you reached out and shared your experiences and feelings and you tried to lift me up.  One poster even said she didn’t have advice but wanted to say my situation sucked and that made me laugh because it was true.  lol.  Many people reached out to me through email to say they would pray for me or just wanted to check on me.  What a wonderful wonderful feeling.   Thank you all.

It has a been a low few months.  There have been some highs and then some low lows.  There were times my husband and I were allies and times we let each other have it.   Now, we can move on and be hopeful. 

Oh, did I tell you?  There are times that I even surprised myself.  I was going through this low period and somewhere inside of me I found the courage to take a couple of salsa lessons.  Something I always wanted to do.  I joined a salsa meetup group and I took my first lesson the other day and then took another one at a little club.  Funny how you can go through a bad period and then do something outside your norm simply for the heck of it.  I’m too depressed to clean my house but I’ll take salsa lessons?  Ha ha!  

This year has been real funny for me.  I’ve never done so many different things this year and at the same time there was a low period.  Ahh, what life throws us.

I’m going to enjoy this weekend even more.  Some friends, my hubby and I are going camping.  When I get back, it’s back to work on losing this weight and being a better buddy again.  A friend invited me to join her 5K team for a race in November.  I didn’t want to sign up for it at first because I didn’t know where I would be in November or how I would feel if my hubby was still out of work.   Now, I will join.  Fo shizzle! 

Thanks again for all your support, stories and prayers!  I only wish good things for all of you.  I don’t want anyone to be in that sad lonely place I was in.  It’s not a good place to be.

Frustrated…Just so so frustrated

Over everything.  Just everything.  But, I was trying to stay patient.  Trying my best to hang on.  But sometimes you just go numb and your feelings don’t know where to go.  You go from sadness to anger to trying to build yourself up again to then just giving in and throwing your arms up in frustration.  I feel like every year it’s something new.  Some new challenge.  Some hard thing to overcome.  And of course it always looks like everyone else is doing better.  Whether it’s true or not it helps your own pity party.

What drove this blog today?  Well, I’ve been trying to be the most patient person I can be.  More patient then ever before.  Hubby lost his job about 3 months ago and he’s having a hard time finding a job.  He puts in something every day but no real bites come through.  Interviews happen but there is always something he is lacking that they want.    Finally something hopeful comes his way.

  1. Husband had a phone job interview about 3 weeks ago. 
  2. Then we wait to see if they ever call back.
  3. They do call back and set up a panel interview.  We wait for that day to come (following week).
  4. Interview day comes and hubby says it goes really well.  Now wait to hear back.
  5. Days later (on a Thurs) finally hear something back.  Hubby needs to do one more phone interview with the guy he would be working with if hired.  Sounds like it’s pratically in the bag.  Interview scheduled for Monday 1:00.  Need to be patient just another while longer. 
  6. Monday comes and I’m hopeful.  1:00 comes and no call. Grrr.  Hubby calls HR to see if he missed something but they tell him the boss guy forgot interview.  Reschedules it for 5:00.
  7. 5:00 comes and no call again.  Super grrrr.  Hubby calls and HR says they will try and find out what happened tomorrow.

All this waiting is driving me crazy.  He submits his resume and application so you wait days to hear back.  Then if you do hear back, you wait for the interview day.  Then you wait to see if they want to hire you.  They all say they will call whether they will hire your or not but they really don’t.   You wait, wait, wait and wait.  And when you think you have followed all the rules of being as patient as possible the powers that be make you wait just a little more.  Squeezing just one more ounce of hope you have.

My patience is being tested.  My spirit is slowing wearing down.  Depression has come and gone during this last 3 or 4 months and it’s finally winning.  If depression and I were in an arm wrestling match I think I’m about an inch away from touching the table and losing.

Oh, and I’ve gained about 8 pounds.  Not good.

License to Groove

Hello Buddies!  Ok, I wanted to share something that happened to me this weekend.  A group of us went out this weekend to go check out some bars downtown.  We get to this little blue’s bar and the guy in front starts checking out ID’s.  He’s doing this to everyone regardless of age it seems.  So my husband and I are last to get in and the guy looks at my license and then looks at me.  He had to look about 3 times and then he made this weird look on his face.  I told him “It’s me, I just lost alot of weight!”  He smiled and laughed and said “Congratulations!”  I was really beaming!  I said thank you and then kind of gave him little pokes in the tummy because for some stupid reason his reaction had me feeling giddy!  lol 

Anyway, my license is when I was probably over 207 pounds and my face looked huge.  Now I’m not saying everyone over 207 lbs has a huge face.  It’s just mine was super huge  and looked really bloated.  Might have been because of my thyroid problem too.  It really looks like a whole other person than myself. 

Look, to those of you who are struggling, please stay the course.  I’m telling you, it is so worth it.  I’m not just saying that so that you can get compliments from people either.  I’m saying it’s worth it because for me, my confidence level is so much higher than it was before.  I feel better, can dance longer and feel more outgoing then before.  I don’t stress about what to wear when social things come up and about not being in photos anymore.   It’s a great feeling.  And I’m not even in the “skinny skinny sizes” either. 

And here’s another reason too.  I’m somewhat stressed about my husband’s job search and I can say that I have not once grabbed food in any way for comfort.  If I enjoyed a few drinks it’s because I knew what I was doing and had a plan for it.  Even later in the evening we went to a friends house and he brought out some queso and chips and even in my “drunk like haze” I remembered my plan and didn’t eat it.  I think it’s because practice makes perfect.   Retraining my body to learn new habits too.   Stay the course ladies and gents.  There is so much more waiting for you. 

P.S.  They couldn’t pay enough right now to give up that license picture.  I admit, I like to hear compliments about it.  :)

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I told the scale, “Hey, no take backies!”

Hi fellow Buddyslimmers!  It’s been an emotional week but I’m proud to say I made it.  I lost 2 pounds this week.  Friday the scale said 3 but it decided to take back 1 of them today.  The nerve! 

So I survived the weekend somewhat ok.   Last Wed I was upset about my husband’s job search that I didn’t want to run that night but with the help of my buddies support on here, I went.  I walked Thursday but when Friday came around I just wanted a break so I did.  The victory though is that I never once went crazy with my food.  I stayed on track.  Well, I did go a little hog wild last Saturday for my b-day but even that could have been worse and it was my official cheat day.  It just proves to me again that I can have the best of both worlds if I try hard enough. 

Things I’m happy about today - My son turned 18 today.  Ladies and Gents, I made it!  I raised a child until he turned 18 and I am so proud of him.  I raised a boy and I think he turned out pretty good.  He never gave me more trouble than I could handle.  Oh, the teen years were tough but it was more of him wanting to be a man and have his say than anything else.  

Have a great weekend Buddies! 

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Thank you to those who commented. :)

Thanks to everyone who commented on my blog last night and this morning.  I did run last night and I got my 3 miles in.   It was hard but I pushed on through and did it.  Thank you thank you thank you.   There were lots of people who could relate or just tried to lift me up.  Thank you ladies!  I just think last night was kind of gloomy.  I noticed I wasn’t the only one struggling last night so maybe there was something in the weight loss air.   lol 

Thanks again ladies.  :)

The truth is…..and now I don’t want to do anything.

Well here goes nothing.  I’m just going to write it out and hit publish and leave it at that.  About 2 months ago my husband lost his job.  We have savings and it’s been helping alot but I am so scared that he won’t find anything soon.  He’s been putting in applications and he has bites but no one has offered anything.  He’s made changes to his resume and all that.  It’s just getting really stressful.  I haven’t told people around me too much and that includes family because I cannot stand someone feeling sorry for me or the constant “has he found work yet?” being asked.  So I’m holding alot of things in until now.  I have really tried to stay upbeat and hopeful but there are times when I feel more depressed and uncertain of what’s going to happen. 

That brings me to now.  I had planned on going running today.  I’ve been drinking my water to get ready for it.  I’m still “hurting” from my b-day weekend but I really wanted to force myself to go and run today.  But then the hubby came home from two interviews and he said one told him he was overqualified and the other wanted someone who knew a certain kind of software (but they didn’t mention that in the ad) so both were a waste of time.  I was crushed.   I wanted to hear something positive but it wasn’t happening.  Now I just want to eat something major.  I don’t really consider myself an emotional eater but when something big happens I get this funny feeling to just chomp on something bad.  I don’t even want to go running now.  I’m like “why go running?  Why bother?  There are other things to worry about.  I’m just kidding myself that everything is fine when it’s not”.  I don’t know.  I’ll probably go but this is just weighing so heavy on my heart right now.  I feel like my spirit is breaking little by little.  I see it in my husband too.  We are still praying and I still have hope but today is just not my best day.  I just want to curl up and go to bed and hope everything is good when I wake up.  Thanks for listening.  Hey, at least I didn’t cry while I wrote this so that’s a good thing.

C’mon, lift your arms for me!

Hello buddies!  Good news for me today!  I lost 2 pounds and I have gotten my blue star back!  The one that means I have lost 50 pounds!  Ahhh, it feels good to be back.

So I did really well this week.  I worked out 6 days out of 7.  I did 3 days of running and 3 days of walking and all at 3 miles a piece.  I’m pretty stoked because I added in an extra day and usually Friday is the hardest. 

I’m feeling pretty good today.  I’m going to an outdoor concert tonight (celebrating my b-day).  So I’m going to get my hair done, put on my new outfit and it’s time to party!  I’m celebrating my b-day and my 50 pound mark!  Oh yeah, I’m bad, uh huh, i’m bad.  Oh yeah, oh yeah. (everyone raise arms and move them side to side with me!  Now say “She’s bad, she’s bad.  Oh yeah, oh yeah”)

Have a great day buddies!

I Worked Out Period.

It’s more of a statement to my TOM then it is a title. 

Yeah TOM, you didn’t hold me back this week.  I showed you whose boss on Monday, Tuesday and today.  So take off now.  Go on, git!

Fellow female Buddieslimmers, I don’t know about the rest of you but I get a sense of satisfaction when I complete a work out during my time of the month.  I feel heavier, slower and so moody during that time that I could easily skip my workouts.  But it feels so good to not let that part of me win.  Makes me feel strong.  Like my will is strong. 

Maybe I’m making too much of this feeling.  I don’t know.  It feels good anyway.  Just wanted to share.  Have a great evening!

Food Log

Exercise Log

I’m…run…ning…on…slooow…mo…

Hello Buddies!  Don’t let that last exclamation point you just saw fool you.  I’m a little slow moving today.  I think it’s because I feel a little bloated from it being that time of the month.  I’m on my third day so hopefully it’s on it’s way out soon.  This Saturday is my birthday and I’m turning 38 but I’m shooting on looking and feeling more like 34. 

This week has been good so far.  Walked 3 miles on Sun and Wed and ran 3 miles on Tuesday and I’ll run again tonight even though I feel like I’m one big water balloon.  I will do what I set out to do and that was to have a good week of doing all the right things.   Plain and simple.  If I’m lucky I’ll feel like 32 or 33 by Saturday.  And I just might drink like I’m 21! 

Have a great day all my buddies.  If any of you have already slipped up today, don’t throw in the towel.  Try and salvage the day and eat something a little healthy.  Don’t keep repeating the “I’ll start tomorrow”.  You are in it this very minute and you just slipped so there is no “starting over”.  When I was in my 20’s I used to that crap all the time and didn’t get anywhere.  Stay focused, stay on plan, be consistent and have faith in the process that doing all the right things will pay off. 

Food Log

Exercise Log

Pull down your pants and moon Monday.

Hello Buddies!  Well, last week went really well for me and I hope this week is a repeat.  It’s still more of the same of walking every other day and running on those other days.  Oh, and still log my food.  Hopefully I can make it through the week.  I say this because you know how it is when you start your plan and you might have all this spunk and you are ready to take on exercise and food and you are working out like you are trying out for Olympics or something?  But then the next week you get into another mood where you say to yourself “I don’t wanna do any of this sh-t.”  If any of you feel the same way as I do today then let’s just get through it.  It’s just Monday that’s all.   Let’s not read too much into negative feelings that we might have today and just chalk it up to Monday.  Tuesday is a different story but let’s discuss that when it gets here.

Have a great day today Buddies.  Try and do all the right things today.  Don’t put it off.  Just do it because you know it ususally works when you do all the right things.

7 is my lucky number today! Yowza!

Hello everyone out there in Buddyslim Land! 

Humor me for a minute and think of the American Express Commercial

_____________________________________________________

Walking 2 days this week at  3 miles per day = tired legs

Running 3 days this week at 3 miles per day = out of breath and tired legs

Hitting target calorie and fat gram goals 6 days this week = satisfaction

Scale showing a 7 pound loss this morning = PRICELESS :)

I know this number seems high but my first week on plan usually shows a good number.  Not to mention I hit my weight loss plan head on with the running and walking this week.

Have a great weekend Buddies!  Be loyal to your plan and it will pay you back!

Whose the boss?

Well, things are going good so far.  I ran 3 miles last night and ate really well.  I’m very happy with how I’m doing right now.  I’m logging in all my food and exercise still which I think is helping me big time and I recommend it to anyone.   But just like the music from the Jaws movie….Danna….danna…danta danta danta danta danna…..the weekend is around the corner.  Must stay focused.  Must be prepared.  I have goals and I worked hard all week so I can’t just throw it all away with junk.  It’s too early in the game to start making mistakes.

 The week is almost over ladies and gents!  Let’s show this fat whose boss!

Food Log

Exercise Log

Let’s keep it together people! - Oh…and good morning and good afternoon.

Hello everyone, I wanted to write a quick blog before I went off to a playdate.  My food since Sunday has been awesome.  It was a tad high on Monday for calories but most calories came from fruit so I’m ok with that.  Exercise has been great although my body doesn’t know it yet but we are running tonight.  I’ll break the news to it when we get to the track.

For those of us who weigh in on the weekends, let’s hold it together people.  We want to lose weight and we want it bad.  Put down the breakfast tacos that your eating while your reading this!  And you!  Stop!  Don’t open that third 100 calorie snack!  It defeats the purpose if you have more than one!  And you!  That’s right, you!  The nutritional value on that salad dressing is meant for a tablespoon and not half a bottle!  Let’s keep it  together people! 

Let’s all get in a huttle and put our hands in the middle and now follow my lead!  1,2,3 Buddyslim!  (raising hands high!)

Food Log

Exercise Log

Do those bugs come with fries?

Hello everyone!  I hope all my buddies are doing fantastic!     So yesterday was my official start date for regular exercise and I ran three miles!  Yeah, I’m bad and I know it because I show it!  (flexing my muscles)  But the true story around that is it was long ass 3 miles.   And you know how when you are listening to your IPod and there is the silence between each song?  Well, I could here my breathing in between that and let me tell you, that breathing didn’t sound like a trained athlete that’s for sure.   I should have ran with an oxygen tank!  lol  Here I thought I was looking cool out there passing up people yet the sound of my breathing probably had the others cracking up!  

And the thing I hate about running outside this time of year is that there are always some kind of little bugs flying in the air.  Gnats maybe?  Whatever they are I think I accidentally ate 2 of them during my run and I can assure you they are not on my food plan.   Anyone know how many fat grams and calories in two pesky bugs?   I think one may be still in my throat.  (hack hack, cough, hack!)

Have a great day buddies and keep working hard.  We all deserve a hotter version of ourselves!  Oh yeah, and healthier one too!  :)

Food Log

Exercise Log

Give it to me straight Doc, Malaria ain’t all that bad, right?

Good Morning everyone!  Well, yesterday was a good start for me.  I’ve started to keep track of my food again to just see how I’m doing and yesterday went well.  My calorie total was 1331 and my fat frams were 29.4 which was right where I want to be.  But, I was a tad bit hungry last night which tells me I have been feeding my body so much junk lately that it really doesn’t care about minimum totals that I have set for it and wants way more than I gave it.  Which isn’t too good since I didn’t work out yesterday so I can’t blame it on the real need for energy or fuel but rather just the need for a big juicy hamburger. 

So real quick, last night I noticed my ankles  and calves area of my legs were kinda swollen.  Of course I notice now that whenever I find something wrong with me I automatically think it’s heart disease, cancer or some other kind of disease.  Cut on the finger?  Cancer.  Stiff joints?  Has to be heart disease.  Sore throat?  Malaria   And last night was no different.   So after looking up on the internet for what swollen legs could be I noticed that other symptoms like fatique, dizziness and headache meant all kinds of things too and I had some of that!   I think I even started making some symptoms up after awhile!   Well, my eye was twitching for a half a sec so it has to be Malaria.   It can’t possibly be I ate too much salt or anything.  Noooo.   Well, wish me luck kicking Malaria.  Maybe a little Aleve can cure it.  I have a bottle of that somewhere in a drawer.

Have a great week Buddyslimmers!

Food Log

Exercise Log

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